Don't know what to feel...

These last couple of weeks have been rough. My husband and I went through something I hoped would never happen to us, but it did. He has been great. But my visits to the doctor, starting in the ER didn't go so great. The doctor I had, he was great. His nurse, not so much. She was very rude to Zakk and I. Starting from the moment she brought the ultrasound in. Zakk was sitting down on the stool the doctor was using when he came in, she told Zakk that was the doctor's seat and he would be better standing at the head of the bed. Then onto to me, I had to have a pelvic exam done, she was very rude in telling me what I had to do. And at the end of the visit, at nearly 3 a.m, she was shoving my discharge papers in my face. I was crying and she wasn't helping the cause any.

Later on that day, OB-GYN called to make an appointment for me to come in to discuss what I wanted to do. The doctor I had then was very nice and considerent about what I was going through. At the end of that visit, we were heading home with new meds and we were about to have the longest night of our lives. Well, I had to go back that following Friday to see how the progess was going. At first, she was nice and apologized for having to meet us under the terms. But then she said, "it's not like you lost a baby". I was in shock and awe that she said it. So after that, everything was in one ear and out the other. I didn't care what she had to say after that. I was so mad I wanted to cry. She made me feel stupid for being upset. She was basically telling me I had no reason to be upset.. Wrong, I took a pregnancy test, it came back positive, and we were expecting a baby at the end of all this. We still suffered a loss..

It's been two weeks since we found out I had a miscarriage. I still cry and get upset. I don't know what to feel. Sad or mad, either way it's not fair. I don't want to feel like this. But I can't help it when I see all these other girls that get to have their babies. But it's like everytime I look at them, I see everything they are doin wrong. Like still smoking, drinking, partying...and everything you're not suppose to do. It's just not fair. But I can't keep feeling like this, I have to get over it. Maybe it wasn't the right time for us. But soon enough we will get to have our family, when the time is right.

With the love and support of my amazing husband, I will get through this. I just have to take it one day at a time.